Thursday, July 31, 2008

Mid-year Resolutions

I always think of things that I should maybe write a blog post about, but then it just doesn't seem important enough to warrant a whole post. I don't know why I feel this way, but I am going to try and get past that to post anyway.

Obviously things have been hard lately. Sometimes it just seems easier to ignore and block out what you don't want to see, hear, and think about. I don't really think I am ready to face everything, but in the spirit of trying to better myself I want to do SOMETHING. The thing is that I have a whole list of "somethings" that I want to work on but I have decided to curb my manic only allow myself to choose one right now. Along with the item I choose I am giving myself permission to only worry about/work on 3 other things. The 3 other things are: trying to be happy and help Braeden be happy. Have FUN with Braeden (He is growing up way too fast!). Doing at least good enough at my job. Here are some of my general ideas:

  • Eat more healthy
  • Exercise
  • Begin learning a language (Italian or Spanish)
  • Prepare for the GMAT
  • Cooking Skills
  • Friendships
  • Keeping my home more clean/organized
  • Better money management/pay off debts
  • Save up, plan, and take Braeden on a vacation
  • Work on my communication skills with those close to me and in my job
  • Learn about history & science so when Braeden asks general questions I can be somewhat knowledgeable

Once I make a decision I will lay out some type of plan so I can feel like I at least accomplished something in that area.

If you have any additional ideas of what I should do or would like to let me know which one you think would be best for me please leave me a comment!

Monday, July 7, 2008

What Depression Feels Like to Me

Depression is in my genes. I think each of has struggled with it to one degree or another. Lately (as in the past couple of years) things have been ok for me. There have been many times I felt depressed, but it wasn't as constant as it has been in the past.

Recently I have felt myself slipping back into it. I picture myself in a swimming pool trying to stay afloat as the water constantly laps at my mouth, then my nose and eyes. I push my head up and feel ok for a moment until it all starts over again. The last couple of years I have been where I can still touch so it is not difficult to keep my head above water. Sometimes I slip, lose my balance and go under, but I am able to find my footing and stay where my feet touch the ground.

I've been drifting to the deeper side of the pool though where I can now barely touch. This time I think its different though because I recognize the stretch in my toes and the discomfort of my body, unlike before where I drifted out so far it was nearly impossible to get back. I try to get back to where it is still safe. I'll probably always be in the water, I don't know if I'll ever make it onto dry land, but at this point I know that I have to be content with that.