Depression is in my genes. I think each of has struggled with it to one degree or another. Lately (as in the past couple of years) things have been ok for me. There have been many times I felt depressed, but it wasn't as constant as it has been in the past.
Recently I have felt myself slipping back into it. I picture myself in a swimming pool trying to stay afloat as the water constantly laps at my mouth, then my nose and eyes. I push my head up and feel ok for a moment until it all starts over again. The last couple of years I have been where I can still touch so it is not difficult to keep my head above water. Sometimes I slip, lose my balance and go under, but I am able to find my footing and stay where my feet touch the ground.
I've been drifting to the deeper side of the pool though where I can now barely touch. This time I think its different though because I recognize the stretch in my toes and the discomfort of my body, unlike before where I drifted out so far it was nearly impossible to get back. I try to get back to where it is still safe. I'll probably always be in the water, I don't know if I'll ever make it onto dry land, but at this point I know that I have to be content with that.
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4 comments:
That was a great metaphor to describe your depression. It takes a lot of courage to put something like that into words. Thanks.
I'd have to say that I have a similar, and yet completely different experience. For me, it feels like someone is surgically removing pieces of myself. First they might take my heart, then a hand or maybe a foot, taking a piece at a time until what's left is a grotesque caricature of myself. One that I don't even recognize. And it's impossible to go back, because I'm somehow less than what I was. What I've lost is gone forever. And I'm just left to grieve what was.
It seems as though depression is becoming more common ow than it used to be. I wonder how many people have suffered and had no idea what the problem was. Its good that you recognize it and can keep your head up.
Mica, I am glad you are writing a blog about you, and I thought your description of depression was very interesting and well thought out. You did a very good job of expressing just how you feel. I understood and empathized with it very well.
Thanks for leaving me a memory. I have one about you if you want me to leave it.
I think sometimes getting out our fears and thoughts is the most healing thing we can do for depression. I have learned a few good things in which I believe I have changed my life and my thoughts. I have gone from being in the depths of fear and anxiety (otherwise known as Hell) to calmly looking forward to each day. If you want I would love to share what I have learned. I just don't want to overwhelm you or make you feel offended. Every one is different and what heals me may not do anything for you.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and comments!
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